sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
