So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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