If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize