just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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