is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize