Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize