I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
