somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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