I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
