I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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