sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
