apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize