my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
