Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
