I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
