Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
