My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
