woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
