I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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