Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
