i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
