I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
