She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize