I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
