Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize