I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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