when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize