and she was petting her beer can
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
