I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please, let me fuck your mom
i already hear my dad disowning me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
