you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
