Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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