I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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