I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
