Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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