We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
