The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All the doctor said was why
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
