Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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