I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
