Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
