I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
