Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
