whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
