Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
