I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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