This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
