nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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