So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
