I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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