so explain again why im purple
no
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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