i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
