It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
