I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
