if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bring money and cleavage
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
