it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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