how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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