I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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