You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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