i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
