omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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