Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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