You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
