I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
