your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
