I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
