Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
