Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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