I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
